A few years ago, I fell off an electric bike while on holiday and broke my ankle. Since then, I’ve avoided bikes altogether.

Recently, I had a dental appointment but no transport, so I decided to use my daughter’s push bike. The moment I looked at it, fear washed over me. I was terrified at the thought of riding again.

On the path, with its slight downward slope, panic set in. The bike wobbled, my chest pounded, and I felt certain I would fall. I got off several times, cautious of every incline, hyper-aware of the possibility of toppling. That fear wasn’t just in my mind, it lived in my body.

“ trauma is not only a past event but an ongoing imprint on the mind, brain, and body. ”

-Bessel van der Kolk writes in ‘The Body Keeps the Score’,

Riding the bike awakened the memory of my fall and the broken ankle, and my body responded as if it were happening all over again.

Yet, despite the fear, I rode that bike, and I will ride it again.

Believing with each attempt I will soften the memory, and ease my body’s response.

Trauma may hold on, but with courage and repetition, I will loosen its grip.